Anniversary Learnings

As of today, we have been married for six months – how quickly time has flown. So what have I learned in this time?

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1) It is not as much fun shouting “HATCH” when you see an upward-opening car door as it is shouting “THATCH” when driving through the English countryside. It is, however, easier to drive through smaller settlements without going hoarse.

2) Not having to take buses, trains and the Underground everywhere is its own form of bliss.

3) Certain members of local society are unable to resist staring at me, presumably in case I grow an alien head and eat them when they turn their backs.

4) You can get extra scoops of ice cream if you have an English accent. You cannot, however, get anyone in Walmart to understand what it is you need. Swings and roundabouts.

5) It helps to have a translator available when talking to those unused to one’s accent. I have the good fortune to possess a husband who immediately jumps in with, “She means two weeks,” when I accidentally use the word ‘fortnight’. This has the added benefit of making me seem important and exotic.

6) Winter is not nearly so unpleasant when the sun shines onto the snow. Conversely, my umbrella now cries itself to sleep in the drawer, assuming I no longer love it.

7) My editorial training is deeply ingrained, making a mountain out of every US English-based writing molehill. All documents must be triple checked for the purpose of adding commas where I do not think there should be any.

8 ) Cereal aisles are still terrifyingly incomprehensible. Doughnut aisles are not.

9) I have work to do on my telephone etiquette. Thanks to my terribly English phone voice, my sister-in-law has literally no idea what I am saying to her. She is mortified by this, I am amused by my own ineptitude. Not only that, I don’t seem to be able to grasp the correct greeting/goodbye process and am often left wondering why I have not been allowed to go away yet.

10) PED XING means ‘Pedestrian Crossing’. Obviously.

11) It is not possible to get away with a fake fur coat from New Look and a thicker pair of socks during blizzards. It is, however, inadvisable to request help from one’s father-in-law, who will punish your lack of foresight by making you wear a giant babygrow.

12) For all that I miss my family and my friends (and Bisto gravy), it’s an honour to be able to call this place home.

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6 responses to “Anniversary Learnings

  • starriknytes

    This is the sweetest post ever. We are glad you are here with us, mostly of course for your entertainment value. Your accent is charming, it comes through in your writing, as for commas, for the most part I find them useless. I am call to task often by editors who think I need to use them more. Thank you again for sharing this post, I look forward to the next. ❤

  • Shockwave Plasma

    1) At least after yelling HATCH! you don’t have to sometimes yell FIRE!, near the time you say THATCH!. I suspect this is inadvisable near those with firearms.

    3) Blame Hollywood, it’s all those English actors they hire to play Nazis, Aliens, and general bad types.

    5) He needs to add “Lady” to your name sometimes. This does not make him any sort of Lord.

    7) A extra U in random words is certain to make them all cry. They will say you are wrong. You say what is the name of the Language you are talking? You win.

    9) Add an extra H while talking on the phone, they still won’t understand you, but you will be elegantly misunderstood.

    10) PED XING was the Chinese man who invented the Disk Break on cars. Danger zones are named after him in the US.

    11)In Wyoming I have been told the young girls have to go an hunt and kill a bear, so their father will make them a warm coat from it’s hide for winter. (I may be making this up)

  • Pignut

    4) They sell swings and roundabouts in Walmart?

    Harhar. Happy semiversary, dude. x

  • Willis

    I’d prefer it if XING was made ZING! like some kind of insult.

  • Jane Burnside

    So funny, my daughter! I miss you. x

  • Two Years and a Jar of Peanut Butter «

    […] regret – I’d call that a success, I think. The first time we celebrated an anniversary, I reflected on everything that had changed in my world since moving to the States and the new ways of life I’d been learning; this time around, I […]

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